Plans, Decisions, Mr. Barrymore

Midterms are over. I'm anxiously waiting for the results of some my exams. So far, the ones that were returned have a passing mark. Whee! My History on Political Thought exam reminded me of my abandoned love for philosophy and history. I got 87 out of 100 plus a 10point bonus. That's 97/100. Almost perfect. Yahoooowee!!!

Now I have to worry about papers required for three classes. I am really hoping that my groupmates would step up. I have no plans finishing these papers on my own. No way!

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This weekend was suppose to be the Ulimate! Zambales! Weekeend! Evarrrrrr!!! But father was being father and he suddenly exploded when we were trying to have a decent conversation about the trip. I took that as a no. I could have been an asshole daughter and decide that it was still okay to go. But I didn't. I'm not that insensitive as he thought I was.

Yeah. I'm not in speaking terms with him right now. Our only means of communication are emails and text messages.Pretty pathetic when you think about it. Well, sometimes I have to talk to him to get my allowance. Pero hindi ko pa talaga siya kayang kausapin ngayon tulad ng dati. Parang kelangan kong pag-isipan ang mga bagay na pwede kong sabihin sa kanya.

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Heniwey Hemmingway....

I'm not the oh-it's-valentines-day-we-should-go-out-and-be-couply-couply type of person. I like the flowers factor because I'm still a girly-girl inside. Chocolates are the best. But floating inflatable hearts are a bit too much.

Our school was puking with Balentayms spirit. It was like Christmas. The halls were filled with people screaming "Happy Valentines!". I would greet them "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Birthday". I think I once said "Thank you".

We went out on 14th because I needed to get out after the Father Drama episode 9.5 and not because it was Balentayms.

We ate at Yellow Cab who gave away little bears for their Balentayms promo.

Let me introduce you to Barrymore
He looks like a butler because of the bow tie according to Pol. He deserves a butler name. He will be Abu the Mario Doll's personal butler. Hahahaha.

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I have decided not to audition for Rep's Mulan. I need to concentrate on my senior year. Expect next school year to be dull and boring.

Dyeysil The Amazing

This post is for my sister Angel who fixed my multiply site.

I messed up the CSS code my site. Then I tried to fix it but I was hopeless. And Angel comes to the rescue! In 30 minutes, she has a new design for me. Although she suggested to me to make a new header. Para iba naman daw.

Ayun.

The header has an excerpt of a poem by Luis Garcia Montero. I copied it from the Instituto Cervantes ad in the LRT. Inspiring I say.


I was suppose to post an entry I wrote in a notebook and pen. Hahaha. But then a tank attacked Manila Pen then everyone was crying because of the tear gas. In other words, nawalan ako ng gana.

Salamat Dyeysil!

Changes

Because of Mama's current situation, Papa has become a health buff. No more sudden trips to Burger Machine for an ultimate double burger. Oh ultimate double burger! You will be truly missed. But that will not stop me. Hehehehe.

Again, I'm trying to be all positive about this. Although there are times when my wild imagination would show possible future scenarios. And they are not good at all. That scares me. A lot. To counter this, I try to think of something happy or funny. Then that something would lead to something memorable that's related to Mama then it will bring me back to something scary.

I really hate this. But I will stick with the family.



I've been trying to keep Mama's stress level really low. I don't tell how shitty my day was. Or rant how my shoes were misplaced. As much as possible, I only tell her good things.

And she won't be taking chemo. She'll be taking this alternative medication which involves a certain diet. I am now pressured to eat all the greens that she is eating. I am taking itty-bitty little steps. Mongo sprouts today, brocolli tomorrow (or something like that).


THOUGHT:
If you torture nature, nature will confess.

goodbye lola

I never had the oppurtunity of meeting my parents' mothers. My father's mother died when he was in 4th grade. She was a high-diver, a beautiful and fashionable lady. My mother rarely talks about her mother. She left their home when my Mama was young leaving our lolo to take care of the family.

Everytime my parents would introduce someone as "lola", I would enjoy listening to their stories and receiving gifts from them regardless of its monetary value. I have some lolas back in the province who would kiss us lovingly but we would categorized it more of a long sniff.

My earliest memory of Lola Angging, who was my father's aunt, was back when I was kid and she gave me rosary that she made. She told me to include her in my prayers whenever I would pray the rosary. I was never an obedient Catholic girl. I rarely prayed the rosary. I do not go to Church every Sunday. The last time I confessed my sins to a priest was back in 6th grade. But whenever I would pray, I would always say "Bless everyone" so that nobody would get left behind.

The other night, Papa received a message that Lola Angging is dying. I didn't know how to react on that. But there were so many things that I wanted to ask her about our family, about the legacy of the Martinez of Pontevedra.

Before dinner Tita Jane texted Papa saying that Lola Angging passed away. All I said was 'Oh'. Wala na... I have absorbed everything and currently grieving about the late Milagros Martinez-Perez. Part of me feels guilty that I didn't pray enough for her, that I didn't take care of the rosary that she gave me.

I won't be able to say a proper goodbye for she will be buried in Bacolod. Because of school and financial constraints, I won't be able to see her loving face for one last time. Same reasons why I wasn't able to attend the burial of two Aunts two years ago. Hay...

Goodbye Lola.

My Dream for the LIttle Vain Girl

 
     Oyens is the baby of the family. She's my cousin who stays with us whenever her mom is busy. She looks like Dora the Explorer except cuter.

    She likes putting on lipstick. She has a default pout whenever she has lipstick on her lips. She enjoys staying in my room because there are lots of junk that she could tinker with.

    Whenever she is staying with us, I end up arriving late for my class because she asks so many "Ano 'to?" that I keep on answering just because.

    She will love rock music. She enjoys dancing to the beat of some random rock band that's on the radio. She will be vain. She loves being photographed but for now she knows when to stop.

    She will grow up with the sweetest laughter the world has ever known. She will be a funny person. At the age of two, she already knows how to joke around.

    She will have super-mega-hyper-moments-to-the-maximum-level where her parents will just give up on chasing her.

    She will break a many hearts. Dahil sabi ko.

    By the time she turns 18, I will be 36. I'll be there to listen to her rantings about how her mom could be unfair. I'll be there to tell her to listen to her mom because she just wants what is best for her.
   
    I'll be the Ate who will inspire her to take risks.
    Eh sa gusto kong mangarap. Libre naman, di ba? Oyens, you are the sweetest thing.

Maglakad nang Mag-isa

    Sa dami ng nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon, minsan (o madalas) kinabukasan pa ako mapapaisip tungkol sa mga nangyari. Late reaction kumbaga.

    Ewan ko ba. Tuwing may dramatic moment sa buhay ko, bigla na lang ang dami kong dapat gawin. Kaya minsan, nakakalimutan kong magalit o malungkot o maging masaya dahil sa mga dapat gawin. At kapag nagkakaroon ng pagkakataon para magpahinga, hayan biglang bubuhos ang kung anu-anong emosyon. Nakakaloka. Bigla na lang akong nag-senti mode. Di naman dapat.

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    Mahilig akong maglakad. Walang bayad. Mas marami ka pang makikita, maririnig at naamoy.

    Madalas akong gumagawa ng mga monolouges kapag naglalakad. At madalas din na nahuhuli ko ang sarili kong lumalakas ang boses habang kausap ang sarili. Nakakahiya minsan, pero ano ngayon. Malamang hindi ko na makikita pa yung ale na masama ang tingin sa akin dahil nakikipag-usap ako sa wala.

    Isang mahalagang bagay na natutunan ko sa Makiling, ang maglakad.

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    Dahil hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong gawin o kung dapat bang wala akong gawin, kumakain ako. Huling-huli ako. Stress-eating. Hindi ko pa inaamin kanina nung sabihan ako ni Lorraine. Pero heto na, aaminin ko na. Hindi ako gutom pero kakakain ako.

    Kasi naman, pilit ko pang hinahanap ng ibang meaning yung sinasabi niya. Isabelle, ganyan talaga. Heto na ang katotohanan, may magagawa ka pa ba?

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    I am 20 years and 10 days old. My father is 42 years and 3 days old. I'm no longer a teen, according to my age.

childhood pictures. nge!!!

Instead of doing my homework or something more productive, I suddenly became OC about my yahoo inbox. I decided to open all 400+ messages and delete/sort to an appropriate folder.

While going through the mail, I saw some old multiply alerts. One of which contains an album of our childhood made by my little sister.

There are two pictures of me wearing my dad's clothes (fresh from the office), another pic with the brother and sister long ago in Ayala Park and me biking wearing a terno-pambahay with head band. Bata palang ako, wala na akong ginawa kundi magpapicture. I think it runs in our family. Wait, let me correct that. Camwhoring runs in our family.

Pictures of us, young, innocent and chubby.